Home to Us
by I.J.Girl
Summary: A young Vulcan girl accidentally bonds with a young human boy, something that alters her life in ways she cannot imagine. She though she'd never see him again, but when she finds him, blue eyes flashing defiance she knows where her home is. For Jamie it seemed the world was crumbling around them, and no one would pay attention..Excpt for that damned Vulcan man who seemd to hate her


**Hey! Well, first thing you need to know is that this is only a ROUGH DRAFT of what I'm actually intending on writing; posting it is more a 'testing of the waters' thing, to see if anyone likes it, and if anyone would consider BETAing for me. If you are interested, PM me, and know that I'm a sporadic person. In other words, I might take a week or so before answering you, or I might answer you right away. Either way, know it just means my internet has given out once more, or my parents have been keeping me busy. ^^**

**The first half(or maybe quarter) of the plotline is posted at my DeviantArt page the-pretty-mariposa. deviantart. com **

**just take away the spaces. ^^ Anyway, enjoy, read, and REVIEW. Feedback is very much welcomed, even critisism, as long as it's constructive. ^^ **

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**Universe 25**  
**STARDATE 2236.05.**

She heard her mother gasp quietly as she stiffened in her chair, her eyes skimming over information on her PADD. The child, Spock, (misnamed months before her birth, as her father and various midwives had been certain of her gender being male) glanced at Amanda with bright eyes, something she only displayed in the privacy of their home, despite keeping the neutral expression her father had diligently taught her to master.

"Mother, your change in posture indicates bad news," she informed her, not understanding the brief, hidden smile that flashed over her mother's features.

"_Bad news, _Spock, is a human expression, and it definitely applies here," Amanda gently corrected her child, knowing that human expressions outside of their home would be frowned upon, and she desperately wanted to spare her daughter any more grief. Already, she had been informed by a classmate of Spock's that a few of their peers were speaking harshly against Spock's genetics.

The girl looked slightly upset, but the emotion was quickly controlled, "What has happened?"

"A Star Fleet ship was attacked and destroyed as it was docking to allow it's crew members shore leave on Earth. The details were covered up by the Federation, but..." Amanda glanced to find her daughter's dark brown eyes wide and beginning to form emotions, and she reached out, gently tracing her fingers over the back of her daughter's hand, sending soothing, calming emotions through the tenuous telepathic link. As usual, it helped balance Spock's budding fear, and the little face returned to it's calm, neutral expression.

"That is most unfortunate, Mother."

"Indeed," Amanda agreed, resisting a proud smile threatening to burst across her face.

"You seem saddened, Mother," the girl raised her hand to indicate the gentle kiss placed there, and Amanda brushed back a stray strand of pitch black hair framing her daughter's oval face.

"An old friend of mine died defending Earth. I knew him and his wife well."

"I have witnessed you making condolence calls to '_old friends'_when ones dear to them die. Will that be the case this time as well, Mother?"

"I-" the sudden ringing of Amanda's communicator interrupted them, and Sarek's voice filled the air around them.

"_Amanda."_

"Sarek. Have you heard what happened over Earth?"

"_Indeed. A Romulan ship emerged from what appeared to be an electrical storm outside of the Earth's atmosphere. There were several casualties, but a young Star Fleet officer gave his life in ensuring their capture," _there was a pause, and Amanda could sense a gentle tension at the other end of her bond, _"The Romulans claim to be acting apart from the Romulan Empire. The first officer of the _Narada _insists on getting information on a Vulcan ambassador."_

There was a silent beat as Amanda pondered over the new information, then a strange emotion that Spock couldn't place crossed her face.

"Do you have to leave for Earth?"

A tiny, half beat before, _"Affirmative."_

Amanda sighed softly, almost imperceptibly, before glancing at her daughter, "Sarek? I'm going to make an illogical request."

The pause on the other end of the line would have seemed amused to a human, _"If you are requesting to join me, I must inform you such a request would not be illogical, rather, it would simply be mildly difficult."_

Amanda didn't fight the smile that spread across her face, and Spock felt a conflicting surge of happiness and shame rise inside her; she quickly suppressed the emotions again, disappointed that she couldn't master and eliminate the human emotions the way that full-blooded Vulcans were able to.

"Spock could continue her studies while we are gone?"

"_I have made the necessary requests and adjustments."_

The smile didn't leave Amanda's face as Spock calmly regarded her, "You know me too well, Sarek."

"_As your bond-mate, I retain the right to do so."_

"Thank you."

"_Thanks are-"_

"Sarek," a mildly playful tone laced Amanda's voice.

"_...We shall depart in the morning. Will this allow you the proper amount of time to prepare for the voyage?"_

"Yes, quite," the smile had left her mother's face, but there was still a gentle warmth as she placed her fingers on the back of Spock's hand, "Until I see you again."

"_Until I see you again."_

Spock's gaze flickered from the communicator to her mother as the gentle love that filled the older woman stroked gently at her calm, empty heart. Somehow it was easier to keep her own emotions in check with someone's emotions pouring into her.

"Spock, dear," Amanda turned her gaze to her daughter, "I believe we are going to Earth."

"Why did you leave your home world to marry Father?"

Amanda glanced down from the viewing window of the Suurok class starship taking them to Earth, her light brown eyes meeting her daughter's darker ones. A wary eye was sent down both sides of the corridor to avoid being overheard by judging ears(pointed, judging ears) before she answered, "There is a saying on Earth: _Home is where the Heart is._ I know, it seems illogical as the human heart is in our chests, but the heart, to humans, represents our purest, most noble emotions. And if our purest emotions are directed to a person, no matter where you are, you are home with them. To me, that was your father."

"You have used the past tense."

Amanda allowed herself a soft smile, as she knelt down to her daughter's level, brushing back the short, straight black hair, taking in the up-swept eyebrows, pointed ears, and green tint on her daughter's face, falling in love with her baby girl all over again, "Well, you see, it's not just your father anymore. It's you as well."

The girl's expression flickered slightly, a hint of reciprocated warmth passing over her face before she was blank again, "I find I don't understand. I would not leave Vulcan for a human, nor do I believe I would have left Earth should I have been in your situation."

Amanda smiled, her voice lowering to a soft, barely audible whisper, "You will understand someday. Or I hope so...I'm sure you can fully embrace Vulcan and still find someone to love that way. Look at your father. And even if you don't...when you have a child, you will understand. I have never felt a greater love than the one I hold for you. I would traverse the universe and settle in the farthest, most isolated corner if that would make you happy."

The soft clicking of Vulcan boots down the hallway distracted them before Spock could form an acceptable answer. The girl felt irrationally grateful, knowing that her mother's emotions would lead her to desire an answer from her, and she felt she had no way to return the warm words given to her.

She couldn't tell her mother she loved her.

Sarek approached them, and Amanda straightened, "We will be arriving at Earth in approximately 21.32 minutes. We shall be transported down to the Star Fleet Headquarters. We will arrive in time to participate in the ceremony honoring the deceased officers, one of whom I believe was an acquaintance of yours before you left Earth for Vulcan."

Amanda nodded, placing a light hand on her daughter's back, "Thank you for taking us with you this time."

"Many years have passed since you departed from Earth. A visit would not seem out of order," there was a gentle tone to Sarek's voice as he half turned, indicating for them to follow.

Spock hadn't expected the atmosphere change. Vulcan was warm, light, with a hint of a metallic scent in the air; Earth made her feel light, as if she might drift away if she wasn't careful(an illogical analogy, but fitting) and yet the air felt heavy, and was a strange mixture of sweet and salty, filling her lungs and chilling her slightly with it's cool touch.

Amanda carefully guided her husband and daughter between grieving family members of the people who died, coming to a stop behind a chair with a woman who sat ram-rod straight with a posture to put a Vulcan to shame, her wavy blonde hair pulled back into a messy bun.

"Winnona."

The woman spun around, a lost, helpless look on her face for a moment before a flicker of surprise and gratitude filtered onto her face.

A soft, sad laugh escaped her mouth, "Amanda. You sneaky thing, you're picking up on those annoying Vulcan traits we used to gripe about with George..."

The woman took a deep breath, fighting a tidal wave of emotions as Sarek impassively stared at the podium in the auditorium and Spock fought the incredible urge to squirm uncomfortably at the passionate emotions on the faces of the people around her. It was too much, she wasn't used to such unchecked emotions and she felt increasingly uneasy.

Amanda knelt down next to her old friend, taking both of the grieving woman's hands in her own as tears fought their way into her own eyes; she didn't speak, merely lent her old friend a shoulder to lean on, and Winnona sniffled, taking a deep breath and regaining her calm.

Glancing to the side, she noticed Spock, which only made the girl want to squirm even more, "Is this your daughter?"

Amanda nodded, "Yes. Her name is Spock. Where are your boys?"

Winnona glanced towards a door, "Frank is taking them to the men's room."

"Your brother left Riverside?"

A chuckle escaped the woman's lips as she nodded, "I could hardly believe it myself, but...yeah..."

She glanced at Sarek and Spock again, and stood, moving further down her line of chairs, "I'm glad you came. You and your family can sit with us..."

Sarek sat on the outer edge, with Spock sandwiched between him and Amanda, insulated as best as possible from the emotional humans around them. Spock found herself minutely closer to her father in her seat than her mother, taking an illogical comfort in his stoic, blank face. Normally, he only inspired a deep respect and a fear of disappointing him; Mother inspired comfort and ease.

The ceremony started just as a man wove his way between chairs with a child in his arms and a tall young boy behind him, settling himself down with the boy sandwiched between himself and Winnona. The child climbed onto his mother's lap, a multicolored cube clutched to his chest. Spock found herself moving just a little bit closer to her father, some part of her disappointed at the fact that she could _feel _uncomfortable still. Her father spared her a glance as a man began to speak, heavy tones of sadness and weariness in his voice, and the girl quickly schooled her emotions into nonexistence. She redirected her gaze to the man speaking, the English moving too fast, then too slow for her to understand.

Time droned on, and people around her sobbed, their tumultuous emotions rolling off her back effortlessly now, any sense of unease erased just by her father's calm demeanor. It was easier, here, to be Vulcan. Emotionless.

As she began to mentally recite the lessons she had learned at the Academy, she felt a sudden burning in the tips of her ears, and an unusual sensation creeping up her neck. She tried to ignore it, but the strange sensation continued until she redirected her gaze to her right. The child was staring at her, his wide blue eyes fixated upon her with a curious expression; she noticed that the whites of his eyes were shot with red, much like the rest of the humans around her, but unlike her impassioned attitude towards them, she felt a tugging of sympathy for the younger child.

Since arriving on Earth, many people had stared at her, making her ill at ease (though they wouldn't have seen it, unlike her Vulcan peers. To the humans, she was as blank faced and emotionless as any other Vulcan), yet this boy didn't cause her to feel uneasy. Fascinating.

He waved, some of his fingers half curved inwards from holding the cube so tightly, and Spock felt a twitch at the corner of her lips, which didn't register until a moment later, as a wave of dismay overcame her.

She had nearly smiled.

Spock discreetly glanced at her father, some relief filling her at the fact that he hadn't caught on her mistake, and she suppressed her emotions once more.

Sarek was to stay on Earth for nearly a month to help stabilize diplomatic affairs and assist in the investigations conducted as to how a starship as massive as the Narada could have materialized the way it had.

Amanda and Spock would have to return to Vulcan sooner. The maximum amount of time that Spock could spend away from the Vulcan Children's Academy was an Earth week.

Spock spent the majority of her time shadowing her father every moment he could spare for her, bringing him assignment after assignment to go over under his guidance. But as ambassador and the man the Romulans were supposedly looking for, his time for her was sparse and often he was distracted during their sessions.

"Spock," Amanda's tender voice filled the room, and Spock looked up, eyes slightly dull from lack of mentally stimulating things to do.

"Yes, mother?"

"I am going to visit Winnona. Would you care to come along?" Amanda was only asking as a courtesy; she wouldn't leave her daughter alone in their quarters without either of her parents. Spock fought an urge to sigh(a very _human_ quirk that was rather infectious) and simply shook her head.

"I would not care for it, but I can see that there is no other option; therefore, I will come along without complaint, Mother."

Her mother held out her hand, and Spock readily took it, glad for the stabilizing calm that her mother carried.

Winnona was a beautiful young woman, and Spock wondered why Vulcans hadn't developed as many diverse races as humans had. This woman's blonde hair and blue eyes were fascinating, as were the narrow eyelids of the Asians, the dark, deep brown skin and tight curls of the Africans and their descendants, the red, black, brown and blonde hair and fair skin of the Caucasians.

Speaking of blond and fair skinned.

Spock sat uncomfortably in the Terran living room, her eyes dancing from object to object, a sense of curiosity arising in her when she spotted a shelf full of books. Actual books, made of paper and ink and a couple even had leather covers.

Winnona sat in the kitchen behind her, sniffling quietly over a cup of coffee, which her mother had eagerly helped her make, saying, "It's been so long since I've been able to smell coffee grounds! I must warn you, Winnona, I'm very tempted to make off with this jar you have here."

Which elicited a smile from Winnona, despite the sorrow clearly etched in her face.

Once again, Spock felt ill at ease. She know felt more compelled than ever to choose the Vulcan way, yearning for that serenity her father had once promised her that logic would bring. Human emotions seemed very...uncomfortable. Painful even. And if-

"Hello."

The little voice jarred her out of her thoughts, (a little too easily, she thought to herself) and she turned to find the child who had waved at her from Winnona's lap.

"Greetings," she answered, tilting her head in acknowledgment to the younger child, who beamed at her with a wide smile and scrunched up his big blue eyes, a single tooth missing from his mouth. Spock felt an illogical sense of satisfaction at his momentary glee.

"I'm Jim. Who are you?" the boy jumped onto the couch, causing Spock to bounce and flounder for a moment as he unbalanced her. After a moment of surprise, she composed herself.

"I am Spock, daughter of Sarek and Amanda," she responded cordially, as he crossed his legs and sat sideways to be able to look straight at her, his hair messy and long, hanging into his eyes.

"That's a_ big_ name. Mine is big too, though, but not as big as yours. James Tiberius Kirk. I was named after my grandpas," the bright expression suddenly dampened and his position slouched a bit, "My daddy chose my name..."

A strange, and sudden sympathy filled Spock, and she looked away from the boy, a saddened gleam in her eyes.

"Your father was a hero," she attempted to reassure the boy, "He died honorably..."

The boy – Jim, simply sniffled and rubbed his eyes, before returning to his former line of inquiry.

"How ol' are you?"

"6.9 of your – Six years old," she amended her statement, deciding that it would be unwise to lead the boy to ask about the difference of Vulcan and Earth years, as he was both human, and younger than herself and would have difficulty understanding her answer.

"I'm four. Gonna be five, and then Sammy – that's my brother – he said he was gonna give me something special on my birthday. He never gives me stuff," Jim smiled again, scooting closer to her, "You have very pretty hair."

Spock flushed, turning to look at the boy as he gave her a strange smile, his eyes glossed over; she wasn't certain how to respond to a compliment. Vulcans didn't compliment one another. They commended one for a job well done, but compliments were not commonplace.

"I...you have...fascinating hair as well," she responded, glancing over the couch to her mother as she gave comfort to Winnona. Unreachable.

Jim giggled, and Spock felt pleased, despite not knowing why he was laughing in the first place, nor why he had complimented her.

"You're funny."

"I was merely returning the compliment..."

Jim giggled again, his blue eyes flashing brightly, "An' you talk like you're all grown up."

He scooted closer to her again, and she didn't move away, despite some logical part of her saying that he was within inches of touching her, which was unacceptable by Vulcan standards.

"Can I show you something?"

"...Is it in the immediate vicinity?"

Jim blinked, his head tilting to the side in confusion, "Huh?"

Spock squirmed slightly in her seat, "Is it...What is it you wish to show me?"

Jim's round face broke into another wide smile, "It's a surprise."

After another moment of internal debate, curiosity won out, and she nodded.

"Mother, Winnona's child Jim wishes to show me something. May I go with him?"

Amanda glanced over to them, then at Winnona, who shrugged, "It's up to you. Jim's not allowed off the property, or past the fence..."

Brown eyes turned back to the two children on the couch, and after a moment, Amanda spared them a smile and nodded, "You may, Spock. Jim, don't you go getting my daughter lost, alright?"

Jim beamed at her, nodding vigorously, "Yes ma'am, Lady 'Manda. Come, Spock!"

The boy bounced off of the couch, and Spock followed him as he lead her outside the house, into the sunlight of the setting Earth sun, which was surprisingly mild compared to Vulcan's sunlight. As he skipped down the stairs of the porch, he looked back at her as she took careful steps down.

"You're a little slow, you know that? That's okay, I'll just help you a little," he held out his little hand, which she merely blinked at, not knowing what he expected of her. She had nothing to give him.

At her hesitance, he reached out swiftly, grabbing her hand before she had time to protest, and pulled her along.

Immediately she was flooded and engulfed by a brightness, a warmth and caring that she had only experienced in tender moments with her mother, moments she was embarrassed of; and a sharp, aching sadness that was laced through it, yet it didn't overwhelm it. A sense of being lost, yet exactly where one belonged; and an undercurrent of intelligence that surprised her. Whispers of thoughts and ideas traced against her own and had Jim not been pulling her along, she would have been frozen to the spot.

After the first moment of shock at the intensity of the emotions coursing through their hands, at the warmth and brightness, a green blush suddenly spread across her cheeks; hand holding was an intimate action normally reserved only for family members, and it was rarely, if ever, done in public...although, she noted, the area around the house seemed to stretch for miles, and only one other house was visible from this point. Still, it surprised her that she felt no urge to pull away from the younger boy's grasp.

Jim pulled her around the side of the house, and he let go of her hand to climb onto what seemed to be a heap of rubble, broken wooden planks and an old fridge littered among the pieces of scrap metal. Spock stumbled for a moment, reeling from the loss of Jim's brightness and the touch of his thoughts, before gathering herself and following the boy onto the scrap heap.

"I must admit, Jim, I expected something different than refuse..."

"Huh?" Jim turned to look at her, her words a little too far outside of his vocabulary, "We just hafta make it to the window."

Spock then noticed the small window, boarded over, that was just above the rubble. It was at just the right place that if one would climb the planks like a ladder, they could climb onto the roof.

Jim promptly did just that, reaching down and trying to help her by pulling her up, even though she was perfectly capable of doing it on her own, despite her long Vulcan robes. Once she reached the top, he grinned, and grabbed her hand again.

She was prepared this time for his influx of emotions, and wasn't as flustered by it.

"You need to be careful. It's slippery sometimes," he carefully lead them around to the other side of the house, "I would-a taken you through my room, but it's a mess and Daddy doesn't like for people to see my room all messy like."

"There is a psychological benefit for children to be in charge of their own quarters; a tidy room is also more hygienic," Jim sat down, and let go of her hand, patting the rooftop beside him.

"I don't know what you said, but it sounds funny," he giggled. Spock blushed again, not exactly certain why.

"What is it you wished to show me, Jim?"

He grinned again, blue eyes sparkling, and Spock found herself responding, a soft smile tugging on the corners of her lips.

"Close your eyes."

She didn't ask why.

"Open 'em in one...two...three," he patted her leg and she opened her eyes, suddenly finding Jim bathed in golden sunlight. Mesmerized by the golden light making his hair glint and his eyes suddenly seem brown, she let out a soft, small sigh of...satisfaction? Fascinating.

"Don't look at me, look at the sunset," he pointed towards the sun, and she reluctantly obeyed, finding the sun, seemingly swollen and huge compared to before, lighting up the golden field before them, the few stray clouds in the sky bathed in purple and pink, the sky bright and blue, fading to a darker, deeper blue. The sun slowly slipped past the horizon, and Spock turned her gaze back to the young boy sitting on the rooftop with her, his small face sad and quiet as he stared at the sunset. She felt disquieted at his sadness, and after a moment of debate, placed her hand over his, turning her gaze back to the sunset as she carefully projected calm, peace and love into him; the exact same thing her mother did when soothing her insecurities and emotions.

The boy seemed surprised at it, but he was young. He thought very little of it and was simply content again.

"You did this with your father?" she asked. She had little instruction on touch telepathy, and she could only pick up on basic feelings and a fractures of thoughts, but she could understand the surprisingly deep sense of sorrow he carried. It surprised her that she picked up on and understood much of his feelings without having had any previous experience with most of them.

A beat passed as Jim's little face was lit up by sunlight for a final moment before the sunlight dimmed, "Yeah...we watch the sunset and then we watch the cons'lations. I know almost all of them that he taught me."

"That is...pleasing," she murmured as the sun vanished, feeling warm, calm and.._.happy_. How strange. How fascinating.

"Mhmm. Sammy knows them too, and we all sit and watch the stars when the clouds are gone and Daddy is home. But not since he left to heaven..."

"Vulcans have no concept of heaven; at least, not the paradise described by Mother..."

She stared up at the sky, unfamiliar with any of the constellations above her. She knew the constellations of her home world very well, knew how the night sky changed as the planet shifted in it's orbit around the Vulcan sun.

"You're very pretty," Jim suddenly spoke up, interrupting her train of thought. She turned, and found Jim's blue eyes locked onto her intensely.

"You are aesthetically pleasing as well...my friend..."

Jim's smile sent a wave of satisfaction through her as his jumble of excitement rolled through their joined hands.

"I think you said something nice about me. A'gain."

"Indeed."

The next three days were a blur of requesting to be taken back to Winnona's dwelling and spending her time following Jim throughout the fields and the barn, listening to his stories about his father or his brother, and telling him about Vulcan. He asked her if she had any friends, which she responded to by explaining that Vulcans rarely had 'friends'.

"But you called me your friend," he tilted his head again, curious.

She paused, suddenly confused. She had called him her friend, but she wasn't sure why; at the time, she hardly knew him, unlike now. She didn't know then how he loved the stars, or how he was allergic to all sorts of medicine, which meant he had to go through colds and flues the hard way, or how intelligent he was compared to what she had heard of human children at this age. It had simply seemed right, as though he was always meant to be her friend.

"Indeed. You _are_ my friend Jim."

He had beamed at her again, and she felt pleased despite not knowing why he was so happy to be her friend.

On the last day, she reached for his hand once they were out of view of their mothers, intertwining their fingers as he lead her to the bright red car that sat inside, and as they sat in the white seats, legs swinging, she informed him gravely, "I will be returning home soon, Jim."

Jim grinned, "Can you take me with you? Vulcan sounds so cool. And I wanna see your seh-laht, I-Chaya!"

"No, Jim. I do not believe you can come," she felt his emotions sink, and sent him a soothing calm before continuing, "And I do not believe I will be returning any time soon."

"Why can't I come? Did I do something wrong?"

"No..."

Her attempt to calm him failed, and she could feel an almost hysterical fear suddenly jolt through him before he yanked his hand out of hers.

"You're gonna go back in outer space! Like Daddy always did!"

"I am going back home, Jim. I must continue my studies," Spock felt helpless as he curled up, refusing her hand.

"What if space people come and hurt you and send you to heaven too?"

"As Vulcans have no concept of heav-...Jim, the probability of an enemy attacking my ship is very low. I will be safe."

Jim simply turned away from her, and she sat primly in her chair, uncertain of what to say to reassure him. Any empty promises would only result in his heartbreak, and Vulcan's didn't lie.

"You told me that you wanted to be like your father."

Silence answered her, and she squirmed, "Your father was brave."

"Don't talk about Daddy!"

The voice was harsh, and angry, and Spock found herself feeling hurt...Quickly, she steeled herself with the logic of Vulcan, something she hadn't used with Jim since the first day.

"I am leaving, Jim," it was strange how easy it was to slip back into the monotone voice she normally used, which was different to the softer voice she used with Mother and Jim, "I have no choice in the matter. I apologize if this is unpleasant for you, but a child must do what their parents ask of them."

Jim turned, blue eyes downcast, and murmured, "Your parents won't let you stay with me?"

"No."

He looked up at her then, blue eyes teary, and then launched himself onto her, hugging her and knocking her onto her back on the seat.

"I'm gonna miss you."

Spock squirmed, uncomfortable under his weight, and awkwardly tried to return to gesture, wrapping her arms around the smaller boy.

"I shall...miss you as well," she whispered, as his cheek pressed against her ear, a sadness filling her as she sat up with him in her arms, "My friend."

After a moment, Jim planted a wet kiss on her cheek, let her go and blushed, "Don't tell Sam."

Although she didn't understand the strange request, she nodded, as she rubbed his saliva off her cheek with the hem of her sleeve.

As Amanda bid her final farewells to Winnona and Frank, Jim ran away before Spock could speak. Some part of her felt sad, but logically speaking, they had already said their goodbyes in the car. She stepped off of the porch where Winnona was sobbing onto Amanda's shoulder, and stared at the house that was home to her only friend. Where it had once seemed alien and strange, it now seemed warm, and perhaps a little sad. After a moment, she chastised herself for applying emotion to an inanimate obj-

The air was knocked out of her as Jim flew into her arms again, his blond head tucked into her chest, and something hard and flat was pressed into her back.

"You won't forget me, right?"

"Of course not, Jim," she responded, keeping a straight face since her mother could see her...not that she would look in her direction as she was busy giving Winnona last minute advice and support.

Jim let go, then held up the multicolored cube he had played with the day she had first seen him. He had later explained that it was called a _Rubik's Cube _and that the purpose of it was to get all sides with a single solid color in the proper order. She had been fascinated, and he had quickly discovered that she was much better at it than him.

"Here. Just to make sure you don't ever forget me."

Spock fought the smile tugging at her lips. Humans and their insecurities.

"I promise you, Jim, I will never forget you. Vulcan memories are much better than human's."

"Okay."

"What about you, Jim? Will you remember me?"

Jim nodded, blue eyes solemn for once, "Of course, Spock. Always."

She nodded, satisfied. Then, on impulse, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek as he had on hers. He jumped back with a squeal, blue eyes wide with shock as he pointed to the porch and hastily rubbed the kiss off, "Spock, Sam will see!"

Spock felt surprisingly pleased with herself.

On her seventh birthday, Spock was brought to the _Katric _ark with a young boy of her age; A boy named Syak, who was to be her bond-mate.

The matter had been explained to her in the months beforehand; at seven years of age, all Vulcan children were betrothed. Why so young had not been explained to her or Syak, and she thought little of it. If it was Vulcan tradition, then there was a logical reason behind it, and thus there was no logical reason to question it.

The boy seemed unremarkable to her, the same as any other Vulcan boy she had ever seen, and as he looked over her, she was certain he felt the same about her. His parents accompanied him, as hers accompanied her, all dressed in traditional dress of Vulcan. A healer, T'Lao, presided over the ceremony, as Syak and Spock kneeled next to each other.

Immediately, her eyes turned straight to Spock, a single eyebrow raised, which made the young girl feel uncomfortable. She glanced at her parents, and schooled her emotions into nonexistence, a burden lifting off her shoulders as the cool peace of logic once again ruled.

"Sarek and Amanda. I would like a word in private," T'Lao rose elegantly to her feet, as Spock glanced at her parents, a twinge of apprehension at the sight of her mother's confusion. They rose, and left the room, leaving her in the presence of Syak and his parents. A heavy silence filled the room, as the adults stared impassively at the impressively carved statue in the room, and Syak stared dutifully at the floor.

"How are your studies?" Spock queried, out of curiosity about the one who was to be her bond-mate.

He glanced at her, slowly, and regarded her for a moment before answering, "My studies are doing well. I am the third most advanced in my group...And what of your studies?"

"I am doing well. I am second most advanced in my group."

Syak nodded, then his gaze returned to the floor.

"You have the name of a male. Why is this?"

"As my mother is human, she lacked the ability to discover me herself when she carried me within her. My father and the midwife both believed that I was a male before I was born, and on naming day, I was named as such."

"One may change a child's name after they are born. It is not outside of our customs."

"...That is true," Spock conceded, and elaborated no further.

"...I do not find your name displeasing. It is...unique," Syak turned to her, brown eyes locking onto hers. Spock felt a soft flutter of gratitude in her. Most of the girls in the Academy felt uncomfortable with her male name, and never hesitated to point it out. It was...pleasing that someone might find it appealing.

"Spock?" the girl turned to the door, where her mother stood with a solemn expression on her face, "Come, please..."

She obeyed immediately, following her mother into a round stone hallway, light filtering down through specifically placed openings and onto the people standing inside.

The healer, T'Lao, turned to her, her dark eyes cool and severe as she spoke, "I have discovered that you already have a bond, and are therefore unsuitable to be Syak's bond-mate."

Spock glanced at her parents, and Amanda subtly pulled her a little further back as she stood forward, "Healer T'Lao, it was to my understanding that a bond could only be formed through a ceremony; this ceremony. How is it possible then for my daughter to have formed a bond, free of assistance?"

T'Lao looked at Spock again, who's features were blank, and perfect by any Vulcan's standards, "Perhaps we should inquire from the one whom formed the bond."

The girl looked back up at the healer serenely, "I do not know how a bond is formed. I would not know if I had formed one, and I do not know who I am bonded to."

Sarek spoke, "Perhaps a mind meld could be preformed, gleaning information on both the identity of her bond-mate as well the nature and strength of the bond. Perhaps if it is weak enough, it can be severed."

T'Lao nodded imperceptibly, kneeling down, level to Spock's face, which twitched slightly in apprehension.

"This will not hurt, but I will need you to allow me in," she informed the girl, who nodded slowly, her short, chin length black hair bobbing.

"Our minds, one and together," T'Lao raised an expert hand and gently rested it on the girl's face.

For a moment, Spock's mind resisted, then T'Lao's mind was flooded by the familiar feel of a conflicted child's mind, only there was a stronger, more defined rift in the mind of this one, colored in blue and red. The child felt slightly invaded, and began to subconsciously raise weak shields, a swirling mix of lines attempting to be straight and numbers trying to make sense.

_Do not fight me. I only wish to aid you._

The child, though uncertain, released the strained hold she had held, and the healer quickly returned to sifting through the memories, finding, with the slightest twinge of surprise, Jim's smiling face beaming at her in fading sunlight.

Spock struggled against her again, fear suddenly swirling around the edges of the memory.

_Your friend?_

Spock didn't know yet how to answer within a mind meld, and struggled for a moment, but T'Lao was accustomed to working with children, and understood the feelings for an affirmative.

T'Lao left the memories behind, waiting to reason or judge them until she was out of the girl's mind, and began to probe gently for the bond, which was easier to find than the memory of the creation of the bond. The bond glittered brightly in the back of the child's mind, bright as the sunset lighting Jim's hair. A light sense of curiosity came from the child.

_When you master the skills of meditation, you will be able to find such things on your own._

Spock attempted to send the healer a thought, which T'Lao only understood because of her practice with young children. Still, it wasn't often a child attempted to respond to her that quickly.

_Yes, that is the bond you formed with your friend. I have seen what I need to know. I will be ending the mind meld now._

Spock stumbled back as T'Lao's hand and mind left her and she looked both disturbed and intrigued as she took a step away from the healer, and her mother laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. T'Lao stood, and turned to Amanda.

"Her bond-mate is the child of your human acquaintance Winnona. The bond they share is too strong to be severed without considerable discomfort to the boy," T'Lao's features were stony, but both Amanda and Spock picked up hints of judgment in the lines of her forehead and eyebrows.

_Humans_.

Sarek's eyes turned to Amanda, silently demanding an explanation, as she mutely stared at T'Lao for a moment, then looked down at her daughter, who seemed faintly surprised and chagrined.

"Jim? Winnona's little Jim?"

Spock refused to speak, training her eyes on the floor, as Sarek turned to the healer with a few quiet words of gratitude and farewell, before he left to explain to Syak's parents that they were going to have to find another young girl for their son.

Spock remained calm, even as her father fixed a look upon her that she could only describe as disappointed, and Syak's parents seemed serenely indignant of this unforeseen complication. Her mother seemed unusually quiet and subdued, and Spock might have felt guilty for causing her parents discomfort...but she only saw the glittering golden bond tying her to the blue eyed boy on Earth.

**Universe 27**

**STARDATE 2243.09.**

"WHHOOOOOOO!"

The rippling shout tore across the flat, dry farmlands of Iowa as a bright red streak burst out onto the road at breakneck speed, nearly spiraling out of control as the car propelled itself forward.

Long blonde hair flew wild, tangled and free as a girl, a sturdy, strong girl with wild, dangerous blue eyes grinned with fear, excitement and anger at the wheel of the ancient car, barely big enough to see over the steering wheel. Glancing behind her, she caught sight of a bewildered man running out of the driveway onto the road, standing there staring dumbly at the shrinking car as it speed away from him.

"_Hah!_ You didn't see that one coming, did ya Uncle Frank!" she shouted, but it was lost to the wind whistling. Reaching up, she unlocked the convertible roof, only to have it ripped off because of the speed she was driving at. For a moment, she was shocked, but then she shrugged, and raised an arm to let it get caught in the whipping wind surrounding her.

Something as wild and insane as she felt inside. She reached out, set the radio on, found a song as wild and strong and chaotic as she felt, and it was a relief.

"_YEEAAAAHHHH!_" she screamed, the pressure and anger weighing on her chest flying with the wind, riding on her voice.

She sped by a lone figure sticking his thumb out for a ride, and she twisted in her seat, waving back to him, "_HEY, Johnny!"_

She laughed wildly at the sudden look of shock on the boy's face, even as he was passed by a cop on a hover bike. The grin fell though, as he pulled up beside her, turning his masked face to her.

"_Citizen. Pull your vehicle over to the side of the road."_

"I can't hear you!" she turned the music up, before slamming her feet on the brake as she spun off the road, the wild look on her face gone and replaced by an intense stare as she maneuvered herself ahead of the cop, driving straight through the gate to the stone quarry.

This was where she had been headed. The elation, the release that the wild joy ride had given her faded as the wide canyon ahead of her neared, replaced by dread. The red car ate up the distance faster than she would have liked; she imagined falling with the car, feeling as the impulse sent the car flying across the empty space, even as it lost traction, as it became light, weightless beneath her, as she became weightless, for just a split second- Then falling, pulled, rejected by the sky, falling, crashing, being crushed, pain exploding, ribs cracking, bones splintering, fire engulfing her...And then nothing. That wasn't so terrifying, was it?

What would Mom do? She'd cry, and self-destruct, the second to last tether holding her together exploded in a fiery blaze of nothing.

What about Sam? He'd resent her for destroying Mom, and resent Mom for loving her so much. He'd be just as broken, but he'd heal. He'd live again.

What would happen to Uncle Frank? He'd finally be alone, and because she freakin' launched herself across a canyon in her father's car to keep him from selling it.

What about her? What about Jamie?

...She'd stop being her father's ghost. She'd stop being the lazy nuisance underfoot, maybe someone would care now that she was dead, maybe this was something good, something finally releasing her...

Maybe she'd even meet her dad in whatever after-life there was.

"_**NO!"**_ the shout was ripped from her throat as if by an outside force as she slammed the brake, shifting gears and twisting the steering wheel all in one smooth motion, causing the car to skid and turn violently as it began to fall off the cliff. She sprung out of the car as it fell, just barely landing on the ground and skidding backwards towards the cliff from the impulse of the car. She grunted as her legs slid off the edge, her torso beginning to follow before she managed to grab the edge and hold on.

Her father had died to save her and 800 other people, and damn it all if she and her mother weren't the only thing on his mind when he died. She might not have been the most respectful of people, but she knew better than to take such a selfless sacrifice and practically turn around and say, "_Screw you, I'm going to die uselessly now anyway because I think it's all too freaking hard."_

How _hard_ would it have been to know that your kids and your wife were going to have to learn to live without you there to love them, or protect them? Damn it all if she turned into a coward now and took the easy way out instead of bravely facing the hand dealt to her the way her father had.

Panting, she crawled her way back on, coming to a shaky stand as the Cop climbed off his bike. He stared at her for a moment, awed, she liked to think, before speaking.

"What is your name, citizen?"

The blonde girl panted, blue eyes bright as she straightened up, her hands on her hips, "My name is Kirk. James Tiberius Kirk."

The cop was unimpressed.

A gentle hand discretely traced over the back of his own, a gentle kiss to soothe the shame and pain in the boy's heart that he desperately tried to work into nonexistence with the safety of logic. His mother sighed, gently transmitting love and calm through her fingertips as best as a psi-null could, but even then the child could feel the undercurrent of anger and frustration that was aimed at the planet of Vulcan at large, and a fleeting, dull homesickness that disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

Despite the other emotions, the love and peacefulness his mother offered him helped, and the emotions that had gotten him into this trouble vanished, leaving only the cool, strict lines of logic.

This was the second time that his peers had elicited an emotional reaction from him in response to unjustified critical remarks about his mother and father. The first had occurred in his first year of education outside of the safe confines of her home; he hadn't expected such harsh criticism towards his mother, and had locked himself into a vehicle to cry and illogically refused to come out until his father retrieved him. That had been excused; but he had recognized a sort of pity and annoyance in his instructor's eyes directed towards him afterward. It had relieved him when the instructor had been replaced, albeit by a slightly less experienced one.

This time, the boys that were his peers had resumed launching insults about his mother; the one that had driven him to violence (for the first time in his life) had been a particularly stinging one claiming that his father had betrayed Vulcan by marrying Amanda.

His hands involuntary clenched on his legs, and he knew that his mother had noticed. There was nothing about his mother that was shameful, other than a few more obvious emotions that she only showed in private. In public, Amanda Grayson was as proper and logical as any proud Vulcan woman; Sarek's mother, T'Pau taught her well.

His mother rose as Sarek exited the room where he had just been fully informed of the event by both the witnesses and the instructors, and Spock felt the loss of her presence strongly for a moment before he returned to a neutral state of being.

"What did they say?" she whispered, hoping to elude her son's keen Vulcan hearing, but she would need to move 3.6 feet further away for that to be effective.

Sarek's face was impassive, blank as only a true Vulcan could display, "Such a display of emotions at this age would not normally go unpunished. However, the professors have decided to excuse this one time, granted it does not happen again."

"What about the children who provoked him?"

"As Spock was the one to attack them, the professors see no reason to pursue punishment beyond a verbal reprimand."

Amanda scoffed softly, sending a glance down the deserted hallway before turning back to her husband, "They provoke our son to_ violence_, and they get off with a simple _scolding_?"

"Do they require more than that? Our son has 'gotten off' with a reprimand as well, and yet you do not seem upset, despite the fact that his emotional reaction was far more injurious to both himself and the other children."

"They shoved him. Where I come from, when someone hits you, you hit back. How is that not logical?" Spock glanced over at them, slightly ruffled that they were arguing over _his _mistake.

"Spock had no reasonable expectation of being physically injured-"

"They pick on him, tease him, make fun of him everyday-"

"Which is precisely why reason must guide his actions above all," traces of exasperation were leaking out into Sarek's expression, faint and barely perceivable.

Amanda sighed, resting her forehead into her hand for a moment, "You know I want him to embrace Vulcan, I do...But he has to be himself as well. Which will occasionally mean being _human_."

Sarek's left eyebrow rose, "Curious, since his 'humanity' is the very source of his ostracism."

A flicker of pre-Vulcan Amanda burst across her expression, hurt and anger and indignation flying across her face for a moment before she settled on a mildly annoyed expression, hiding the hurt and betrayal lying below.

"When Vulcans get disgusted with each other, do they ever just walk away?" a vindictive edge lay on her voice as her delicate expression turned to a thinly disguised glare.

Sarek noticed, and he seemed to pause indecisively, "No..."

"Well humans do," she spun on her heel, and walked off with decisive, harsh steps. Spock's gaze followed her as she walked past, feeling lost and helpless at being left alone with his father.

Sarek turned towards him, and he stiffened in his seat. He was not afraid of his father for fear of reprimand, nor because he was unkind, but for fear of disappointing him, for fear that something he might say or do would cause a negative opinion to be formed of him. With Mother, he had no such fears. She readily accepted whatever he said or chose to do without judgment nor disappointment. For this, he was sorry he had caused a rift in her relationship with his father.

As Sarek stepped closer, he nervously voiced this, "I did not mean to cause conflict between you and Mother..."

His father seemed to pause for a moment, before taking a seat next to him, trying to reassure him as best he could, "In marriage...conflict is..."

"Constant?" the boy titled his head slightly, gaining a better view of his father's face.

"Natural," Sarek corrected, shifting in his seat to gain a more comfortable position to talk from, "...Emotions run deep within our race. In some ways, more deeply than in humans...Long ago, they nearly destroyed us; which is why we followed the teachings of Surak."

The boy looked up at his father directly now, eyes glittering with barely subdued emotions as Sarek continued.

"Now you must choose."

The boy's gaze flickered, and a hint of apprehension tinted his voice, "Between you and Mother?"

"Never, my son. But you may choose the ethics of logic. Logic offers a serenity that humans seldom experience; The control of feelings, so that they do not control you."

Spock looked away now, locking his gaze on the floor as he contemplated the words, finding himself at odds. All his life, he had found logic binding and restrictive. He couldn't smile when the urge presented itself because he was betraying his_ feelings_, which no proper Vulcan did; he couldn't express anxiety, or fear, or love, for fear of being branded _human, _therefore inferior.

_You are neither Vulcan nor human and therefore have no place in this universe._

There was a twitch in his meager control, and he felt the helpless homelessness the words had stirred in him all over; the fact that the words had caused him such despair only made them seem more like fact than a baseless accusation. And yet...the loss of his control had frightened him, the maddening, tearing rage and desperation that had driven him to pound his fist into the other boy's face over and over and over was awful, and left him feeling no better. There was no relief, no smug happiness at seeing his peer's face green and black and bloody, nothing. In fact, it had left him with some remorse, since now they had succeeded and elicited an emotional response from him, proving the fact that they so callously shoved into his face everyday.

_You have no place in this universe._

"They called you a traitor..." he spoke, carefully watching his father's reaction, "...You suggest I be completely Vulcan, and yet you married a human...Why?"

Sarek's expression flickered, and he was slightly surprised to see a hint of conflict on his father's normally stoic face.

"As Ambassador to Earth, it is my duty to study and understand human behavior. Marrying your mother was...logical."

Mother would be hurt if she heard that, Spock thought. Maybe even to the point of those tears she always tried so desperately to hide from him. It hurt _him_, to hear that his mother was little more than a specimen to his father; Even having been raised on Vulcan, surrounded by logic and little else, Spock knew his mother deserved better. Needed better, for the sacrifice of her home world and all the people she knew and cherished, for the abandonment of her right to freely express her tumultuous emotions as she was used to, to come over to hot, impassive Vulcan with it's binding traditions and disapproval of all things emotional, to have a son she couldn't hug and tease and laugh with or openly love, just for his father, who only saw her as _logical._

His father seemed to sense this disquiet within him, and tried again, "Spock. You are fully capable of choosing your own destiny. The question you are faced with is which path you will take. This is something only you can decide."

All things considered, his mother's emotions had gotten her to where she was. To a people that didn't accept her, on a world completely alien to her own, loving a man who didn't – couldn't - love her back. As far as he knew, there had been no logical reason for her to love or marry Sarek, and yet she did these things anyway, receiving coldness in return for her fiery, loving soul.

Emotions.

Logic.

His father stood apart; the biting words that were whispered along the halls about his wife and his child never phasing or disturbing him. He had no emotions; he couldn't be hurt. He didn't love his wife, why should the senseless, unbased rumors about her lying with other men hurt? What was there to hurt?

Spock gingerly reached up to his split lip. What was there to hurt?

* * *

**Pffft, even as a little three year old(which still counts as being a baby :P) Jim is a womanizer. Shame on you Jim. *faceplant on desk* Anyway, please, tell me if I've gotten the characters right, any places you might like to see improvement in, anything. If any details about Vulcan are off, feel free to point them out! Oh, and yeah, I decided to leave BOTH Spocks and Jims with the same name because I can't figure what the female version of Spock's name was and I thought Jaime _looks _more like Jim's character than _Jane _does. It's just...My mind is weird, okay? It'll make for some interesting situations once Ms. Spock and Mr. Spock meet. XD Can't exactly abbreviate or nickname THAT name very well. XD**


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